Day 13. Dublin.

With only a few hours of sleep under my belt, I woke up feeling awfully fuzzy this morning. It's questionable how much alcohol was still coursing through my body as I packed up my room and made my way to the car.

I waved goodbye to Evelyn, who was standing in her entryway, as I pulled out the driveway. With a knot in my stomach and a lump in my throat, tears threatening to fall, I turned right and drove past the Thatch and took comfort in Gene's car parked out front. As I drove farther and farther away from the Thatch, with my most favorite place on earth becoming smaller in the rearview mirror, I realized all the stress and anxiety I'd been avoiding from everything that happened before I left, was coming rushing back at me.

The tears that were threatening to fall had nowhere else to go and came running down my cheeks. Thoughts of Michele, which had been popping in and out of my mind for the entire trip were now unavoidable. I couldn't escape the sadness and utter disbelief of what happened. I thought of the appointment I still had to go to shortly after my return to see the gynecological oncologist. I had a breast MRI I still had to schedule, still had to pay for, still had to try and figure out how to get insurance to cover it so I wouldn't have to pay over $1000 of my own money. On top of all that, I'm still sick. Still have fucking bronchitis. Still not feeling great. Haven't slept all that well on this amazing vacation. How's Pat doing? How are those kids? What must their daily life be like? How do you move on from something like this.

It all seemed too much.
I needed my brain to shut the f up.

Not to mention, I had a two hour drive ahead of me, had to return the rental car, check into a hotel I had never been to before and get my ass into Dublin to attempt to do some of the activities I wanted to do while there.

I had to get a grip and try and get all these different thoughts and emotions in check. It wasn't doing any good to get so ahead of myself.

Driving in Ireland is for the most part, really calming. All I had to do was look around me and let the beautiful countryside help ease my mind.

Seeing sights like this help me chill the f out.
I calmed down.
A little bit.
Just enough to keep moving forward.
I kept my eyes on the road.
My mind a little more settled.

Somehow I made it to the outskirts of Dublin.

I dropped my stuff off at the hotel.
Returned the rental car.
Got in the shuttle to the airport.
Hopped in a bus to Dublin.

And then walked all over the city.
I forgot how good it felt to move!

There were a few things I wanted to do:
Eat fish and chips at Leo Burdoch's
Visit the Georgian House Museum
Tour the Jameson's Distillery
Check out the Cake Cafe (which I had seen on some Bobby Flay Ireland special a while ago)

Being a little hungover, spending more than two hours in the car, getting ready for a full day of travel and being emotionally spent, I didn't have it in me to do all that I wanted.

I did hit up the Georgian House Museum, which was very cool. I couldn't take pictures inside, sadly, but I highly recommend doing this if you find yourself in Dublin. I also made it to the Cake Cafe. It was an absolutely adorable cafe hidden in the most unassuming neighborhood. I ate this delicious sponge cake with layers of creme and jam (which made me think of my good friend, Jessica):

While walking around Dublin, I felt anxious about being on my own and not knowing exactly where I was or where I was going. Not having a fully working phone has its disadvantages and I found myself really hating not having access to my map feature while exploring Dublin. The little touristy map I had did not help as much as I had hoped. But was better than having nothing at all. And as much as I didn't like the knot in my stomach due to the uneasiness of being out of my comfort zone, I also found myself being slight exhilarated by it at the same time.

It's time like these that I realize I just do not spend enough time on my own. I always have thoughts of making myself do more by myself when I'm home. But it doesn't materialize as much as I think I'd benefit from in the long run.

I didn't have it in me to take in as many sights or snap as many photos as I had hoped. I found myself getting back on the bus and heading back to the hotel near the airport. I wanted to be entirely packed and ready to go, get a good night's sleep and be up and ready to go by the time

Once back at the hotel I ate and packed and am now trying to not let my travel anxiety over my insane and intense day tomorrow prevent me from getting the good night's sleep I so desperately need!