Back To Me

The fact that I'm putting up a post that isn't about Kathy and everything happening with that part of my life is one sign that I really am trying to slowly remove myself from being the main character in this story, starting to focus more on myself and let the people who should be playing a larger part in this process step right on up to the plate. It goes against everything I stand for and is counter to every natural instinct I have to turn down a legitimate request for help from someone in need (thanks Kara) but...it's time and it has to be done. So instead of going to another appointment with Steve's dad to iron out details of the service with the pastor, I stayed at home and worked. And I went to the gym, despite the fact that I wanted to spend my lunch hour in bed.

Which reminds me, I am sore all the time. And I love it. Each time I wobble to take a step, I remember that it's a direct result of all the hard work I'm doing. It's a sign of how strong my body is and how strong and lean it will become as I continue down this path of being kinder to my body. I think this is amazing because I haven't been so kind to my body for many years. I've eaten like crap and done very little activity. And as a result, I'm stuck in a body I don't really care for.

But, I can't say enough about my trainer at the gym. I feel so fortunate to be paired with someone who really and truly has my best interest in mind, who pushes me beyond the limits I have set upon myself and gently guides and encourages me to do better and be better. We have been working together for about a month now and up until last week, have focused almost primarily on exercise. But last week, I started to make changes in my diet. Here's a list of the things I'm doing from a nutritional standpoint:

1. More water.
2. No soda! This is a biggie for me. I really love Diet Pepsi (or Diet Coke fountain soda), but have significantly cut back on this. Last week I only had two cups. All week! If I have a day where I let myself stray a little bit, I may have a soda, but I really am trying to get this out of my diet.
3. Green tea. I start my day off with a nice cup of green tea. And not for the caffeine, but because it's good for me.
4. Eating more regularly throughout the day. In addition to three meals, I am aiming to get in two smaller snacks throughout the day.
5. More protein- at every meal.
6. Flax seeds. These things look super gross, but are apparently really good for you. So I've been adding them to my oatmeal the past few mornings.
7. Reducing carbs at night. I'm not at a point where I can (or will) stop eating carbs entirely at night, but, I am trying to significantly reduce the amount and type of carbs I eat at my last meal. This week I'm experimenting with having no carbs/starches with dinner. I did it for the first time last night and I clearly lived to tell the story, so...I'll give it a shot.
8. Less variety and fewer choices. It works for me if I don't have to think about what I'm going to eat. So, I've been focusing on eating the same food for each meal (with a little variation). My plan is to rotate this out each week, but to keep to the same basic structure. It's just so much easier for me if I don't have to make any choices.

So they are small changes, but they're certainly adding up. And the important thing is that I feel better. Now I just need to work on this sleep thing. It's been a while since I have had a restful sleep. With everything going on, I've had difficulty falling and staying asleep.

Lots of good things going on. Lots of things making me feel good. And lots of things to look forward to, despite the sad undertone. I feel like things are clicking for me and I'm going with it and working it.