Hoo-F'n-Ray

While I'm still struggling a bit emotionally, the past two days have been going well. I had a great therapy session yesterday that left me feeling a little more settled with all of the feelings and questions I've been turning over.

It's starting to sink in how now that I am getting the "food thing" under control, it's bringing up a lot emotionally. I've read about how people with weight issues typically go through this period where they are maybe more depressed or emotional when they stop using and abusing food. When you can't, don't, or won't turn to food that means you actually have to sit with the feelings that you've been ignoring (and turning into tasty little treats instead) for a long time.

I've been wondering why things have been so heavy for me lately...and I get it now. The food stuff hasn't been as big of an issue for me. It doesn't mean that this is easy for me now. Or that I don't struggle. In fact, I was talking with a friend today about all of this. And she was saying how she takes for granted how hard it is for me right now, because of the idea that this is a short term struggle for me. I was thinking today just how much of a struggle all this is. Every single decision about food is not something that I take or make lightly. I struggle and think every time I think about what I'm going to eat.

Today, for lunch I was thinking about having Panda Express (because it's next door), then Chipotle for a burrito bol (maybe Steve could pick that up for me?), Santa Monica Pizza Kitchen (because I was starving and going to be on the phone for a while. This would be easiest, and of course yummy, and it could be delivered). But ultimately, after all the back and forth (and going as far as getting a pizza order from my friend/co-worker), the rational side of me chimed in...reminding me that tonight I'm making a pasta dish (whole wheat, but still) and I know I'm going to have some of my homemade garlic bread. And pizza was just going to be too much. So I got my ass out the door and went to Whole Foods and got some yellowtail sushi (something new for me) and a salad.

Anyway, as draining as this is...as much work as it is...I'm really okay with all of it. I'm working so hard on myself right now. And I'm impatient with how slow the weight falls off, but I'm confident and content with the approach that I am taking.

Oh yeah, and the title of my post refers to the fact that I went running today for the first time in three weeks. No shin pain, and I'm just going with it.